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Written and Illustrated byKimberley Saul

“Look world! I’m here and I want to mean something!”

Walking along the mountainous path of Northcliff Hill during an afternoon sunset was not a place I intended to find myself that day. It was, however, a place that I was very grateful for at that time in my life. As a self-proclaimed creative, I find the need to shout it out to the world at times as if to say, “Look World! I’m here and I want to mean something!” Caught between the tides of wanting to hide and wanting to be heard, this whole creative thing oftentimes feels like a vicious cycle that soothes as well as scathes. How can something bring purpose as well as take it away in the same breath? Can I be a so-called creative without self-destructing? Can I find a space for expressing myself without bumping the ceilings when I’m feeling high and drowning in the deep pits when I’m low? I think these questions were very deeply rooted in the double-edged sword, creative culture that most of us grew up in.

The musicians have their 27 club, the actors have their ‘break a leg darling’ sayings, the dancers have their Black Swan breakdowns, and the artists have their starving tropes. I’m personally most haunted by thoughts of the late and great Mac Miller. A personal favourite, he seemed to prophesize his premature departure through the melodies of many of his songs. Similarly, I often think the secret key to my most creatice and enlightened self lies in chaos and intense stimulation. Should I open myself up to more risks? Should I try to find myself in late-night lights boozed up and bankrupt? Should I jump from the metaphorical buildings of life and find new perspectives in the fall before the harsh collide? I found more answers and certainly more peace in the potential of another pathway.

“To dive into creating and creativity is to dive into oneself and let go of brick-and-mortar answers and comparisons”

To dive into creating and creativity is to dive into oneself and let go of brick-and-mortar answers and comparisons. Just as waves of emotion, self-questioning, paranoia, joy, and peace come and go, so does the ocean in which we source our creativity from ebb and flow. Of course, at times we suffer and it’s awful and it’s scary and it’s a hell of a source for expression and inspiration but this does not make it the only source we can create from. Realizing that we can find a healthy, more constant flow of creativity and motivation across all our states of being is a way more comforting realization. Your spark does not leave you when you find stillness. You do not need to quit it all and put everything on the line for the creative gods to favour you; you can compromise and create in ways that best suit you and your life. Smaller calculated risks are still as worthy as those super mega crazy risks that other creatives seem to be driven by.


I think ultimately to create is to be human and by creation, I mean the art of creating memories, relationships, experiences, and moments as well as artworks in all their many forms. Although pain certainly has its purpose in learning and growing, it should not be glorified as the hallmark of a great creative. The romanticization of mental illness should not justify the praise of a life lost early in favour of a so called, abstract greatness. We as creatives are worth more than fleeting fame and glory or the depth to which we suffer.

We are worth more than how many people know our name. We are worthy of creativity and a life well-lived in whatever form that may take for you. Take comfort in the fact that all you need is already within you. I know I sure will be. I’ll also be returning to that sunny spot on Northcliff Hill soon to sit in the stillness of knowing that my ability to be creative and find purpose lies beyond extreme suffering, happiness, or what I’ve achieved. It lies within the very fact that I’m alive and through it all, I’m still here and so are you. That’s pretty damn cool.

Now, go and do something that inspires your creativity!

Interested in this? Here’s some extra readings & motivations 🙂

@inspiredtowrite (Instagram Profile. Amy is a great source of gentle and affirming creative inspiration)

@annalaura_art (Instagram profile. Anna-Laura’s art is soft and comforting and glorifies life simply and beautifully)

@alice_chance_ (Instagram profile. Alice has a lovely way of finding magic in the everyday sights and sounds around her and inspires me to do the same) (Website. A collection of book biographies to read if you’d like to deep dive into the history of the 27 club)

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