For the past few weeks I took a break from writing after slipping into a terrible state of despair, unable to do anything besides grapple with my thoughts whilst laying cemented to my bed. It was a level of hopelessness I hadn’t experienced before. Feeling as if I was grieving the present moment, whilst still having to survive through it. In times like this I tend to turn to my phone, not in need of distraction, but rather to find people who might be sharing similar thoughts and feelings.

I tried forums, blog posts, Reddit threads, but they all felt too distanced and impersonal. This must’ve been why I was subconsciously drawn back to Youtube, attempting to find more intimate content that felt like the subject was being addressed in real-time. Fortunately, after you’ve watched 3 or 4 videos on existential despair, Youtube presents you with a cheese platter of people in mental turmoil. Ranging from professional tips and depressing Ted Talks, to small channels speaking about their problems directly to camera; in a sort of desperate attempt to clear their minds and start a dialogue.

These kinds of videos give me a real nostalgia for early Youtube, and the way the general public were given voices that could grow an influence in real-time – which I feel is happening in this subsection of the platform currently, and I truly believe that this content can help in low moments too – because a lot of the time when I think I’m looking for a solution, I’m really just looking for affirmation, and I feel as if solutions can only really come from yourself to some extent anyway – but we do have people like Emmy van Deurzen, who are able to share a lifetime’s worth of insight and experience to lay down a foundation for finding peace and coming to terms with oneself.

Emmy is someone who I feel falls in between the professional mental health content and the small intimate conversational channels. She’s an existential therapist and philosopher, who’s dedicating her time almost weekly to recording videos that share her 72 years of wisdom and 50 years experience in clinical work, teaching, and training – in order to provide guidance on whatever it is the subject might be that day.

Whether it’s how to fall in love with life again, how to enjoy growing old, positive procrastination, social media health advice, finding balance, facing death, she covers it all – in a way that’s comforting and peaceful whilst still being completely up-front about the reality of it. Nothing is sugar-coated, and there’s no religious or cultural bias, or anything of that nature – it’s experience and advice that can speak to everyone fundamentally – so after watching a few of her videos, I immediately felt the need to subscribe. Despite the fact that she had already addressed everything I was looking for at that moment. It just felt as if I might benefit from anything else she had to say going forward, whether it was something I had dealt with or not. There’s just something deeply calming about her videos, and sometimes I will even throw one on, in an attempt to stifle my anxiety.

It’s her passion for the subject and willingness to support a worldwide community of people seeking help in the form of youtube videos, that makes her all the more admirable. In one of her most recent videos she makes it clear that she is not giving guidance as just any grandma, but rather a grandma who has been studying the background for the advice she openly gives for the past 50 years. Making it important to acknowledge her role as a co-founder of The Existential Academy as well; A non-profit company she started with her husband in 1996 – with the goal of bringing philosophy to the community, with its contribution to an understanding of how to make the best out of life and living. Which I imagine would be a similar mission statement behind her current presence on Youtube.

The Existential Academy draws on staff from a wide range of professionals with an affiliation to the existential approach, to provide short courses for them and their local community in London. I mention this to provide context for her career but also to showcase that she knows what she’s talking about, and she probably doesn’t have to be making these videos at this point in her life. Which I believe gives her all the more validity in her efforts to share her experience – so, if you’re looking for any kind of guidance or thoughts on issues that center around being alive and the many hurdles that come along with it – I would highly recommend the charitable nature of Emmy van Deurzens channel as a healthy source for such things.

As I do believe it’s extremely rare to find content these days that purely exists for the benefit of others, especially when it is proven to be so helpful to so many – It really does bring me back to that importance in the simplicity of early youtube, and that earnest nature behind its ability to spotlight valuable people. So I felt the need to spotlight this in the hope that others may also find comfort in these videos, as well as Emmy’s voice within the platforms current landscape – because I do feel that this kind of work should be supported as much as possible whenever it comes to light – so please do take care my friend, and may you find peace and happiness within your life – take it slow and easy – it’s all out there for you to embrace (at whatever pace)